Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Wise Adoptee

There are so many wise women among us. I have received much good advice from the women who have lived the pain of losing their child/ren or their mothers. Most of us are in our later years and have learned a lot and gained a lot from our years. One of these wise women is an adoptee in our age group.

My friend, and I am so proud to call her a friend, Celeste Billartz, poet, singer and songwriter and an adult adoptee, posted some reunion wisdom that blew me away in its profound truth and simplicity. Just about every mistake a mother of adoption loss and the adult adoptee could make is addressed and the watchwords are mutual respect and kindness. Simple and straightforward, these words of caution and instruction should become the new rules for reunion.

She also tells another truth.....that there are a small number among us that are so damaged, self-involved and, well, just not wrapped too tight, that there is no hope for a normal relationship. I've seen this in both adult adoptees and mothers...thank God/dess not too many of them.

If you want to know what you are doing wrong and have the ability to learn from another and critique yourself, click on that link in the paragraph above. These are simple truths and they prove that, when reunion in concerned, good manners and consideration are the way to go.

We tend to complicate things for some reason. My grandmother used to call it "going around your ass to get to your elbow." It took me a while, Grandma, but I finally figured out what you were saying. Who says we Senior women don't have something to contribute?

While we are not just about reunion, reunion is part of the picture. Many of us are past the stumbling stage and into mentally and emotionally confronting the injustice of our experience. Reunion was the spark that ignited us into overt grief and self-realization. It was the awakening and the emerging from the fog of denial for many mothers. Who knows but what a lot of us, mothers and adult children, could have handled everything a lot better if we had been blessed with Celeste's acquired wisdom?

Well, it isn't too late for mothers and adoptees new to the roller coaster of reunion. I intend to pass this one along.

Thank you, my friend.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

She is truly a treasure, isn't she?