Sunday, April 25, 2010

Well, There Goes The Neighborhood

There was a bit of a buzz, yesterday. A new family was moving into the two-story stucco down at the end of our cul-de-sac. I've been very please to see homes selling here as we are getting La Hacienda Westbrook ready to go on the market in preparation for the big move to the hills of West Virginia.

I did my bit and made a mac and cheese casserole and took it down, just before dinnertime, and was entranced by the two little Asian dolls, about 3 and 7, that answered the door. Then I saw the blond, green-eyed Caucasian adopter and her white, yuppie hubby and felt that sick feeling deep in my gut. I kept my welcome visit short, citing recent surgery. I  hope to continue to maintain some distance from the new neighbors. I am not ready to get into a "who shot John" pissing contest about adoption with a new neighbor. If we become acquaintances, that WILL happen. I can't keep my mouth shut, especially if they start bragging about their saintly rescue of the, ostensibly, unwanted Chinese girl-babies.

There was a little bit of hope that rode in on the breeze of the late news. It seems that China is re-thinking its one-child policy because the population is now going in the opposite direction too fast and brides for the many sons are hard to find. I hope that story was accurate and there will be no more Chinese children robbed of their heritage and families.

This is not something that affects me as an EMS mother and PR rep for SMAAC. This is something that affects me as a mother who lost children to adoption for really stupid reasons just like Chinese mothers lost children because they were female. It's a mom thing.

I have likened the decline of US culture and the respect for the natural family to the fall of Rome. I think it is going to happen one neighborhood at a time. While nice, our neighborhood is middle-class with a racial mix and largely blue-collar. The newbies on the block were unloading a Lexus SUV. I imagine that some one's fortunes have fallen and they were forced to be downwardly mobile. I would bet they flew first-class to Bejing and back to obtain both little girls. I was asked about the quality of the "public school" while I was visiting and I said that it seemed to be a good one, but that I was past the age to have school-aged children. She asked me how many adult children I had and I said "four." I didn't elaborate.

The bills that are being crafted and then honed by the industry and its minions are carefully constructed to keep the customers/adopters from being threatened. They are being slanted to make it look like we natural moms are the ones who want to restrict the opening of records. It's all about the business and the bottom line and heritage and the sanctity of the bond between mother and child can go hang for all they care. I know adoption is all around me, but with the new neighbors, it is in my face every time I walk past their house. I hurt for those little girls when they grow up and try to reconnect with their natural families.

I can't get out of here fast enough. There is little to no adoption in rural WV and we can survive the fall of a nation in those hills. Hey, we need to buy fishing rods!


KimKim said...

It's overwhelming when you are suddenly confronted with adoption and you were not looking for it. On holiday I saw a little chinese girl speaking perfect dutch to her white parents and I turned and ran the other way. I didn't want adoption spoiling my vacation. Having the situation live next door would be awful. It's bad enough when you see it randomly but to have it in your face where you live oh no that's just awful.

Sandy Young said...

I find it difficult to be civil to them, even when I am aware of it. What never ceases to amaze me is the number of drug addicted, slatternly women who surrender their unwanted infants 10 seconds ahead of CPS taking them away, and have no desire to stay in contact following an open adoption agreement. Oddly dissimilar to the stories one hears from the mothers....Yeah! Riiiiiight!

Vanessa said...

It's everywhere, isn't it. Adoption, that is.

You know, this has happened me, only in my instance it is with an adoptive mother at my son's school.

One of his best friends is adopted. I sat in a park with her while they had a playdate and listened to her "I am his forever mommy and she is just his birthmother" line, while I just sat there, dumbfounded. I didn't even bother to tell her that I was one of them there 'birthmothers'. Didn't have it in me... my son can keep his friend and I will keep my big trap shut, because it tends to get me into trouble when this topic of conversation comes up. She did invite my son to his birthday party last week. I couldn't help but think of his mother who was probably grieving on this day, for her son...

Karen Dawber said...

I had your same reaction this weekend when ready the Sunday local newspaper about a young 20 something girl (photo looked Asian) who had a rare medical disorder which was not getting the proper treatment. I was drawn to the article because the other photo showed a Caucasian mom helping her Asian daughter and I just knew she was adopted. Sure enough the daughter was adopted but no mention in the article about obtaining biological parent's medical history. I'm was torn about commenting or not online to this article that it might be helpful to find the biological parents medical history.

Robin said...

It would be helpful, Karen. It would be even more helpful if the natural parents were notified and allowed to give that information more directly to their daughter. I don't think that is how the Chinese operate, though.

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of a couple who adopted a baby boy from Korea years ago. They were neighbors and brought the little boy to visit with my mom and grandmother frequently. I used to think they were ok people. At one point my mother told me that the woman had stopped her at the supermarket to show her the photograph of an infant girl they expected to adopt soon (also from Korea). But a few months went by with no sign of this other baby. Eventually my mom asked the woman when the little girl would be arriving and here's what she said "That child turned out to have health problems, serious ones. But! they promised us that the next girl who becomes available will be ours. We were sad initially but just realized that this baby was not the one God meant to be ours." Not meant to be theirs that is because she had health problems. Apparently they have a special understanding with God that they will raise no imperfect children. Eventually they got a perfect girl. I've often wondered if she will ever know that they knew she was "theirs" only because of her perfect health. Ten years ago, it seemed in my area (Boston) whenever you saw an Asian child, he/she would be with a Caucasian adopter. That is seems to be changing around here though. I always breathe a sigh of relief when I see a young Asian child accompanied by his/her natural parent. Clare