Thursday, September 02, 2010
So Much For Lock Step
While my friends and I are of a single mind on many things, which is wonderful serendipity and the thing from which many friendships are formed, we are all, also, very much thinking women who have minds and varying opinions of our own. Sometimes we see things differently and that is OK too. If I had to be your clone to be your friend, it just wouldn't happen.
Yesterday, one of those areas of disagreement was very evident in the blog post I wrote about the way the industry is using the self-interest of vacuous beemommies of the younger variety to keep the supply coming. I evinced pity for these young women, thinking that they, like the generation after us, would awaken to the true consequences of their loss and have a hard time forgiving themselves. For a few, that might well happen.
But I have had my eyes opened to something that I wasn't seeing when I would suppress my gag reflex long enough to read from those saccharine essays. The industry has managed to create a whole, new class of addictive disease. I am not sure what to call it...maybe Martyrism or Heroine-exia? In the discussion, I saw that some of these pathetic beemommies were addicted to the head pats and adopter gratitude and saw themselves as sooooo special for helping to "create a family" for someone else. WHOA! Yes. These kids would be willing to do it again! They are "affirmation junkies."
I have to say it. From the experienced viewpoint of someone who was forced to do it twice, You'll be so-reeeeee! I don't think they will immediately suffer from the same grief and pain that I experienced. Nope, what will happen is what is already happening as adpoptees from the 'open adoption' era reach their teens and adulthood and are starting to express their own feelings and ask the hard questions. I opine (and my dear friends are free to disagree) that they will take a hard, swift and painful belly flop off that beemommy/angel pedestal on which they think they stand. As addicts, they will have to experience withdrawal. Sorry Ladies, but I really pity these fools.
I think that, in the midst of all the attention in the post given to the Judas Goat Beemommies, the main point was badly expressed. And that is how, after feeding on our hearts and souls and the identities and self-images of us and our children, the Beast has evolved. We were the blood and guts it consumed to morph into this Machiavellian entity that is able to take an entire nation (one, by the way, which is becoming increasingly incapable of individual, independent thinking of just about any kind) and blow pixie dust in their eyes to the point that they are getting young women hooked on their own victimization. Ya gotta love the business-like approach. The bottom line has no conscience or morality.
One friend mentioned that she no longer felt guilty about being silent in the decades post-surrender and pre-reunion. We had to awaken in our own way. She's right. When we were able to realize what had truly happened to us and to our children, we read, we learned, we talked to each other and now we are speaking out to everyone. For me, speaking out and telling the truth about MY experience has caused a rift between me and my oldest child. As much as I love her, I will not keep silent. Adoption is a Beast, adopters are complicit and lies were told.
So while we are seeking justice and recognition for what was done to us in the EMS, the Industry Beast is forging ahead with a new, faster, more efficient model for the present day. I can't stop these bimbos from trying just a bit of the drug. If they start main-lining relinquishment, they and their innocent children are the ones who will suffer.
My time and efforts are better spent on the important things like the mothers of the EMS. And that is where it will always, first and foremost, be. But, for what little good it might do, some humane, soft-centered part of me wants to give these Barbie Dolls a map that shows the road to pain and that there be monsters, there. Another part of me wants to slap them silly and tell them to snap out of it. Still another part of me wants to ignore them. But, I'm, personally, not comfortable with the idea that what they are doing now is part of an attempt to dismiss our truth about our experience as something that happened "back then" and pointing to the good beemommies of today as representative of the Industry's benevolence. The Beast is clever and these young women are not very motherly.