Friday, January 28, 2011


The fact that a bit of history was made, yesterday, has just begun to work itself into my brain. The time for Natural Mothers and Adopted Adults from the EMS to stand together, mutually respectful and equally committed is long past, but better late than never.

The idea of the mother being a mere platform on which the adopted person stood to gain their rights is one that cannot succeed. Working together in mutual support can and will succeed if we follow through. Perhaps we are finally maturing and realizing that, good reunion or bad reunion, all arguments over who was more damaged aside, we need each other. What a concept.

Not all of us are on the same page. Not all of us will be. There are egos and cherished angers and a lot of other dynamics going on. There are some so damaged that their input could be toxic to the goal. No one has said this would be a fairy tale where the records were opened and everyone lived happily ever after.

But there are enough of us seeing the big picture to make a noise loud enough to be heard, one that can't be ignored. I am looking into venues where the SMAAC Position on Equal Access can be published in order to reach more people. The help of our adopted friends would go a long way, here. Attaching the position statement to their own sites and publications would help. Some have already done so.

This act of the NMoms stems from a long, frustrating journey. Our displeasure at certain entities in the Industry and those who adopt for presuming to speak FOR us is at a peak. We're mad as Hell and are not going to take it any longer. If you want to know how a mother feels and what a mother thinks, ask a MOTHER, not an adoption lobbyist, an adoption think-tank or an adopter. That should be a no-brainer, yet I see media coverage of the open records debate that either does not include a Natural Mother or only includes one who is sympathetic to adoption. That's like asking a Stepford Wife if she is happy with her life.

Our silence has been too loud and those of us who began to speak out, earlier, had to shout ourselves hoarse to be heard above it. We were told to go and never tell and too many of us took that to heart. Millions of us have hidden in plain sight for decades. I came out of the fog 18 years ago and it was like being able to breathe after being caught in a dust storm.

Those of us who questioned the necessity for adoption, who talked about justice and acknowledgement for the mothers and who felt our issues were also important were described as radical, militant, strident, bitter and angry (like anger is a bad thing?) name it. Sticks and stones will break our bones, but tell the truth and you're a bitch. Well, we're still standing and still saying the same thing. And we have our self-respect...something the industry and all who contributed to our tragedy tried to take from us forever.

The wall is not down. The bastion of adoption  mythology still stands and OBCs and other records are still held hostage. But, after this week, I discern a bit of a crack in the mortar. SMAAC Moms...we done good!


maybe said...

Yes, you done good!

Unknown said...

I am feeling very positive about this, Robin. We have a long way to go and a short tie to get there and likely there will be few changes made during our lifetimes. However, there are worse thigns that could be our epitaphs than "The Bitch Died Trying"! Let's keep on strokin', my friend! Who knows, maybe the logic of our argument, the absurdity of theirs, will make the whole thing could happen....

Unknown said...

Just an added note...may I just say that I hate my typos....

Robin said...

I was wondering where a short tie would get one. LOL And what are "things?" Are they anything like "signs?"

Just needling you, friend. I feel positive, too. And as long as we're trying, we're living and doing.

Beni said...

Thank you so much for opening my eyes. As an adopted child who is still searching for answers, how I can help you?

Unknown said...

I thought my work ended with becoming radicalized as an adoptee, but my eyes have been opened about firstmothers. I apologize for what I've done to add to your suffering and celebrate with you as you walk this road of Truth.

Anonymous said...


Well done and looks like you might
have hit a bounty by what I am reading of responses.

Mothers and adoptees are in the same boat so to speak. Seems there has always been that third party trying to sink it. As long as they can keep us devided the better the chances are of keeping the business
of adoption flourishing.

Protections from who and why? I never wanted nor asked any such thing. Always wanted my son to know the truth and never wanted that third party to get away with telling him a lie.

Although, I have been in reunion since 93 and do have his original sealed birth certificate. I have yet to get my records from social
worker or county. Sent for them and not a word from them,maybe I should resend certified mail? To make sure they got there. It took them a year to non indentifying infomation. It took a year to get
his birth cert to us after judge okd it. Now another year for my records pertaining to me no one else. Records that should have been given to me years ago. Fighting every step of the way with anything pertaining to adoption records, or rights.

Missed your posts here checked every day some times more than twice. lol


Robin said...

Beni...just get the word out. Refer people to the SMAAC site or this blog or Musing Mother's blog. Let them see that those who would keep us separated by a wall of secrecy are not going to succeed and that dirty bills that give to some and take from others are not going to fly.

Lori said...

I'm in - how can I help?

ms. marginalia said...

Robin, great post! I am proud to stand with you.